A few days in fact weeks since my last post, well........ a new job awaits me!!! yes i got the interview they loved me and offered it me within minutes of departing the office! i couldnt contain my excitement sat in my car at the side of the road!! i called everyone including my parents who were in spain on holiday at the time - i could hear mum fighting back her tears of proudness down the phone! i was over the moon. I phone my friend he was so pleased and told me he was proud and later spoke to my footballer guy who as the others was equally as pleased and told me we would celebrate when he came over that week and we did...he treated me for the night, chinese banquet, drinks and really great company. We got on great and i was made up to see him after 3 weeks. He looked great and i felt great - we got home and to bed he kissed me and it sent tingles down every nerve ending in my body his touch felt amazing, gentle, respectfull but passionate! we had the greatest night of sex, the nerves that i had on our first night had gone and i felt comfortable! he wrapped his arms around me and i nestled my head in to his nook he talked while i listened and we eventually drifted off to sleep. I woke in the morning and simply couldnt keep my hands off him and before long he was on top of me....yet again it felt great the only thing to spoil was the fact i had to get to work so we couldnt cuddle up as we had the night before! Everything felt so nice. I was happy and had a spring in my step all morning. I waltzed in to work armed with a gleaming smile and my resignation letter. My boss wasnt shocked and i announced my departure to the girls...by some, i dont think i'll be missed but do i really care about those - no.... i dont! i cant wait to start my new job - marketing assistant with an extra few K in my purse to!! it appears i have a smile on my face and its real!!
so i ask.....Are things finally on the up??

I still have alot swimming around in my head - i want to know where me and the footballer are at but i feel its to early to start defining "us" and really do we have to be defind - does society demand us to justify what our relationships are or what stage we are at? i dont feel he is my boyfriend more a datee!?? there is also my worry of actually liking him!...this in my eyes can never amount to a good thing cause from past experience liking = hurt!! i sit and wait for it to go wrong and for me to wind up yet again alone! i am unable to see a future with anyone anymore can barely see beyond the week ahead! a few years ago i had my whole life planned out, new where i wanted to go and what i wanted to do. Now!...now i am staring at an unknown future, this may not be a terrible thing in some peoples eyes but for me, the unknown scares me. I dont know what is going to happen? in sone ways i dont want to know but the over organised, plan every detail side of me demands it!

The ghosts from my past, well there still around me everyday and always will be. However i have started to sleep again and also got myself back to the gym! healthy body = healthy mind?? maybe... but it helps clear my mind on the bad days and helps me feel even better on the good ones! I guess i just have to run with life as it is right now and embrace the unknown as an exciting adventure. Its just when your life has been one long emotional rollercoaster of love, hate, hurt and destruction i simply want to just stand still on solid ground for a while!

xx